Does Dangerous Political Rhetoric Incite Violence?

It seems that 2011 is off to a rocky start. On January 8, a 22 year-old male shot a bunch of people in Tucson, AZ. His main target was a Democratic congresswoman who was shot in the head. Sadly, I’m not surprised about this tragedy. Ever since Obama was elected president, hate, racism and paranoia has been broadcast all over cable television, radio and the Internet in ways I have never seen before.

Who is to blame for this horrible tragedy? There is one side that is blaming the Tea Party and certain cable news/radio personalities for generating hate with their heated political rhetoric. The Tea Party and their supporters of course are denying any blame, insisting that the shooter was mentally disturbed. Well, I agree with them on that last point, but I’m not convinced that they are completely without blame.

The Internet is buzzing with comments blaming Sarah Palin for this violent act. I recall watching cable news and seeing a clip of Sarah Palin talking to voters about putting political opponents in their sights and showing the picture of a politician in the crosshairs of a gun sight. And she said, “We need to take them out.” It shocked me that someone, especially someone in the public eye, would say such a thing. Okay, so she wasn’t talking about shooting and killing someone, but a crazy person doesn’t know how to distinguish the difference.

It was reported that Giffords had criticized a website by the Sarah Palin Action Committee that posted imaged of crosshairs on a U.S. map targeting congressional seats for the 2010 mid-term elections. Giffords was one of the targets. I would post a link to this website and map in question, but the pictures were taken down right after the shootings. Do you think they are feeling just a wee bit guilty?

This quote from Gabrielle Giffords gave me chills: “We’re in Sarah Palin’s ‘targeted’ list, but the thing is that the way she has it depicted, we’re in the crosshairs of a gun sight over our district. When people do that, they’ve got to realize that there are consequences to that action.”She said this right after her office had been vandalized in 2010.

Americans are lucky to have freedom of speech, but is this freedom taken too far in certain circumstances? Should those in the public eye use common sense and watch what and how they say something? People can speak out against an ideal without causing violence. With so much hate and intolerance sweeping the country, it doesn’t help to have a key political figure talk about taking people out or calling them targets.

Any thoughts/comments on this?

Kelley Heckart

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You Shouldn’t Feel That Way

One of the least helpful things a person can do is tell someone else that they shouldn’t feel how they are feeling. No matter how well intentioned the comment, it never helps and is inherently harming. This is newly learned stuff for me. I have the right to feel however I am feeling. It does not matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient other people find those emotions, I am entitled to feel however I actually feel. I’ll play out some frequent ‘you shouldn’t feel that way’ scenarios in this blog and flag up the issues and better ways of handling them.

Because I didn’t mean it. This is useful information if it’s actually true. If you want it to be taken as such say sorry as well. Find out why the upset person took it the way they did and you will know more for next time. Maybe it was a communication breakdown. Maybe there are things you do not know. If you are asking them to hear that there was no intention to hurt then you have to hear that they ARE hurt and deal with that. An honourable person takes responsibility for the unintended consequences of their actions. An abusive person will use the line ‘you shouldn’t feel that way because I didn’t mean to hurt you’ and phrases like it to enable them to get away with abuse and to shift responsibility onto the victim. If you sincerely meant no harm, then it is vital to acknowledge when you have accidentally caused it.

You should be over it by now. Often applied to people who have not recovered from grief or anger. This is about the needs of the speaker, not the needs of the one who is upset. If what you mean is ‘I can’t cope with this,’ ‘I don’t understand why this is affecting you so much,’ or ‘I am not interested in how you feel’ then it is more honourable to acknowledge it is so. No one is obliged to deal with how someone else feels, and if you can’t cope it may be better to step back. If someone else’s feelings are uncomfortable or inconvenient to you, do not make them responsible for that. You can most certainly ask them to BEHAVE in a different way but not to FEEL in a different way.

Because it’s stupid/pointless/irrational/excessive/does not make sense to me. Just because you wouldn’t feel that way in the same circumstances, or do not understand the reaction you are seeing does not make it ok to invalidate the other person’s emotions. They are not you, and they feel differently. If you feel they are over-reacting, you will not change that by putting them down. Acknowledge how they feel, talk about the context with them. Be at least as willing to listen as to offer your opinion. They are allowed to respond differently to you. They have a different history, different emotional triggers, different issues and they perceive differently.

Because you’re upsetting me. When someone else’s emotions cause us pain it’s tempting to want to make them stop it. But again, start from the assumption that if you are entitled to feel upset right now, so are they, and a playground style ‘he started it’ won’t help. Expressing difficulty with behaviour is one thing – if someone is shouting, or hysterical then saying that you are upset by their behaviour is fine. They are responsible for how they manifest their emotions.

It is very hard to control how you feel – that’s part of the nature of emotions. We do have a fair amount of control over how we express them, and if all else fails it’s usually possible to walk away for a few moments and seek composure. Acting in the heat of emotion is seldom productive. Denying someone else the space to have their own feelings is abusive all by itself and leaves them vulnerable to further abuse. We all have the right to feel, and we never have the right to deny someone else their emotions. We have the right to ask others to handle their emotions with honour, and we have the duty to do the same ourselves, as far as is humanly possible. When someone says ‘you shouldn’t feel that way’ they are taking something precious away from the person on the receiving end. They are taking away that person’s confidence that they are entitled, and allowed to feel. It is a rubbishing of a person’s most essential self, and never, ever ok. I’ve been on the wrong end of this too many times and from here onwards am taking a zero tolerance policy. I am not going to be told how I should, or should not feel and I am not going to trust anyone who thinks they are entitled to do that. Knowing what it does to a person, I will not let this one go unchallenged any time I encounter it.