An open letter on behalf of The Pagan Conspiracy.
Just to make it absolutely clear that there is a pagan conspiracy. We have systematically infiltrated every profession, and each branch of government. We are subtle, and clever and we get everywhere. This is of course a deliberate attempt to take over the country and undermine all its traditional values – you know those values about fear, racism, ignorance and intolerance, shafting the poor to uphold the rich, and wrecking the planet for short term material gain. In our attack on these oh so important values we are, of course, threatening to destroy western civilization and bring about the end of the world as we know it.
When we have taken over the world, you will all be forced to accept our liberal and tolerant policies. There will be no escape from this. We will inflict upon every man, woman and child the horror of having to listen to their own consciences. We will demand that people act responsibly and treat each other with respect.
Once we have secured enough positions of power we will be promoting education and waging war on bigotry, stupidity and the kind of people who make money by feeding off the fear of others.
You are right to be afraid of Paganism. If everyone goes Pagan, who will read the Daily Mail?
(Join The Pagan Conspiracy today. Copy the above, and then email it to your friends, post it on your own blog, spread it about as a facebook note, #paganconspiracy on twitter, print it out and pin it to the toilet door…)