Taking Stock

I’m on the wrong side of the Atlantic to be celebrating Thanksgiving, but, so many people I know are, that the notion seeped into my head a bit. I posted recently about gratitude, and how much there is to be grateful for. Not a day goes by but I think about the many reasons I have for being thankful.

I’ve always tended to work like a mad thing, but have lately been surprised by how much I’m getting done. I have all the regular keeping house activities to do, including drying single glazed windows on a regular basis! I’m spending more time on food preparation than ever, because currently that’s something that inspires me and I think it’s important to go with the awen. I’m frequently blogging twice a day – here, and at www.blogspot.loveyoudivineinfo.com and I’m doing a LOT of editing. At the same time, I’m working very hard on a non-fiction pagan book (more info when I have it) writing an urban fantasy novel, kicking around ideas for several new projects with Tom, and working on poetry with an eye to doing another collection.

It used to be the case that I’d start working as soon as I woke up in the morning (as early as five in the summer, seldom later than eight) and would work through until I couldn’t (usually after 9pm) taking time out a couple of evenings a week for music, and fitting in as much child entertaining as I could. Time to rest, or taken purely for myself was rare – a bath counted as ‘me time’. I spent most of my days feeling like I was running very hard in order to slide gently backwards. Currently, I get time off every day, frequently hours of time off – whole days off are still infrequent. But I’m getting more done.

It’s not like life has been treating me entirely kindly to make this possible. There’s been all kinds of hard and challenging things to get to grips with. There has also been more support though, more kindness, more laughter. I’ve learned that I can be very happy indeed working hard. I think, however, the thing that has made most difference in terms of both my capacity for work and my scope for happiness, is that I feel able to trust my own judgement. I’d spent a long time with no confidence at all in my ability to make good choices. Circumstances in the last few months required me to make a lot of huge choices in very quick succession. While that was hair raising, I don’t think I made a single bad call, my reasoning was sound, my intuition was sound, the results have been good, repeatedly.

So I don’t angst over the blog posts any more, wonder what people will think and whether there are implications I should worry about…and it takes half the time it used to, to write them. I trust myself more, I get on with things, I find it easier to work, and there is much progress.

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