BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL
#3 “Love Potion #9 … #10 … #11 … ad infinitum”
July column for “The Pagan and the Pen”
Night. Dark forest. Full-moon. Owl-hoots. Wolf howl. Wind through skeletal bare-branch trees. Flickering flames. Dancing Shadows. Cauldron. Three attending witches.
“When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain? When the hurlyburly’s done, when the battle’s lost and won…”
Or, how about the equally stereotypical …?
Eye of newt, and toe of frog, wool of bat, and tongue of dog, adder’s fork, and blind-worm’s sting, lizard’s leg…
Okay, okay, where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire, is what I always say, and the above haven’t become “the” standards by not having some basis in reality. In that—confession, here—I have danced naked in the dark woods, have joined in mutual cauldron-stirs, have searched out eye of newt, toe of frog … albeit wing, not wool, of bat … lizard’s leg…. and a helluva lot of other crucial ingredients specifically called for by lotions and potions and salves and balms…
If I’ve found most of the potions, even those concerned with conjuring love, to be improved by uncalled-for salt, the very fact that salt is uncalled-for usually makes the end results either less potent than they should be or nullifies the effects altogether. So…
Don’t be surprised that I’m more, apt, when asked to provide the catalyst for sparking any love relationship, to recommend, something other than some foul-tasting concoction, even of mine, for the best end results. In that, there is nothing a woman or a man can serve a potential candidate for seduction, with better chances of success, than a genuinely good old-fashioned meal (salt highly recommended).
This is why, way back in 1988, when I’d achieved world-wide recognition as “Willa Lambert”, author of best-selling Harlequin SuperRomances, Diane Crawford approached me for recipes for her RECIPES OF ROMANCE, A ROMANCE NOVEL COOKBOOK, and I eagerly complied, as well as supplemented with …
“I love to cook! I cook to love! While there’s a ritual to restaurant dining that I do enjoy, there’s no better recipe for bypassing that stale chestnut ‘Would you like to come in for a nightcap?’ than both of you already relaxed on your couch, the magic of the preceding good meal undiluted by any car ride to get there.”
“More men have loved a good meal than have ever loved a good woman. The magic is to get them to somehow equate the one with the other!”
What I believed then, I believe even more whole-heartedly now, to the extent that I’ve recently come out with a cookbook, BACK OF THE BOAT GOURMET COOKING, with the help of Bonnie Clark who is as much a gourmand as I am and is certainly as cognizant of how there’s no better way to get your man than provide him not only with a genuinely fantastic meal, on a grill, BUT to do so while out boating on some lake, ocean, or river… or while just sitting pool-side or in some wondrously secluded backyard.
Granted, this isn’t my first cookbook, although my THE GLUTEN-FREE WAY: MY WAY (written with Adrienne Z. Milligan) was aimed specifically at several friends, gluten-intolerant, on the outlook for some gluten-free ways to reel in their men.
As equally a firm believer of wine as a decidedly pleasant ingredient for successful seduction, I’ve been contracted to do my WILLIAM MALTESE’S WINE TASTER’S DIARY series, the first, SPOKANE/PULLMAN WA WINE REGION, presently at the printers and ready to begin rolling off the presses next month. On all the books in the series will be my specially estate-bottled DRAQUAL Cabernet Sauvignon 2005BV on whose label is my portrait, in my persona as the sexy vampire Vlad Draqual, as painted by Mike Bliss.
Finally, I can’t tell you how many love potions have clove as an ingredient, to the extent that I, having again assumes my love-authority Willa Lambert persona, have just published my romance novel, AFRICA: SPICE ISLAND LOVE, first in my contracted Seven-Continent series, with a story line chockablock with love influenced by the heady aroma of clove always wafting the air of exotic Zanzibar.
Speaking of Zanzibar, and my truly ghostly personal experiences there, those will be saved for another day.
In the interim, Bon Appetit! And good loving.
TEXT AND PICTURES ©2010 WILLIAM MALTESE