To Cheat or Not to Cheat…

ATT222111 There have been a ton of reports popping up lately in the media of those who have cheated on their spouses. We have Jesse James stupidity done against beautiful Sandra Bullock, John Gosselin (of course I am still wondering who would have him), and now Tiger Woods claim to naughty fame. Although the Jesse James situation blew me through a loop because I had seen Sandra’s latest award speech, so when the news of her cheater husband came out the next day, I truly felt for her. However, it wasn’t  until Whoopie Goldburg’s recent defense of his actions that through me not only into another loop, but that damn thing was on fire! (And I usually love Whoopie)

That got me thinking about monogamy and our society rule. While I will forever hold my ground that cheating is absolutely WRONG…I am open to the idea that we put too much emphasis on partners being with ONE other partner for the rest of their life.

Let’s start with Fiction. The newest argument concerning some of our favorite immortal subjects such as Vampires is the fact that it doesn’t seem plausible that one immortal could love another one for all eternity. Waking up too, laying with, being with, suffering with, bearing the irritating habits of…one person for infinity….yeah, it takes a little to get that down. Not that I am dissing the whole soul mate thing. Hell, I have written about it. But in reality terms…a human mind finds a hard time fathoming it.

Yet in real life,  it is the main goal of many and most. Finding that one person to be with until death do you part. Of course no one says, HEY…after a few years…you might be the one wanting some death lol. *kidding* (Believe it or not, I am happily married.)

Still, we obsess with this and that idea, but then find ourselves in relationships where the other person can not live up to their end of the bargain….so they cheat. Instead of saying hey, I am starting to dig someone else and need to see where it goes, or can we have an open relationship—insert lies and deception…away the cheater goes.

I’ve been cheated on. It sucks. It can turn a loving woman into a vindictive bitch. It can turn a doting and loyal man into an obsessive stalker on the edge of becoming a killer. And then we have that adorable truth…once a cheater, always a cheater. It hurts like hell too…and what’s worse, others blame YOU…and or you feel like a damn fool. Cheating has become such a hot item that most people simply accept it as another marital problem they need to work through. You know like him snoring, or her not paying the bills on time?

If some people can not bring themselves to be faithful, then why not be in a relationship where cheating is ok…as long as everyone is open about it? Do we blame society for treating polygamists  as if they are complete and utter perverts? And why don’t women practice more of this? Why is it that we simply hear about men having more than one wife? Where are the women with more than one dang husband, damn it? I know society frowns at the older woman taking a younger lover, but where are my many- lovers- shacked- up- in- the- house -with- one- gal–women????And why can’t we just sociably accept that?

Or why do we stare and gawk at those who claim to be swingers? We put them on late night sex shows as if they are the biggest shame in the world, yet apparently, so many are trying or doing it. Why not get it off the taboo channels and bring it into the open? That way when you meet someone you can say, “Hey babe, I swing, if you swing, we all swing?” And duh—no big surprises when HE brings home a new SHE for you to try out!

Or maybe its not in the hands of society at all….maybe it is within us or the cheater. Maybe the cheater wants a one on one relationship…or wants one that appears that way. All the while the rest-assured partner doesn’t run off to lye in other pastures. Maybe the cheater wants a half and half relationship? So while wife or husband is home being faithful, cheater gets to run around, experiencing that fresh euphoria of mucking with someone new?????

To me, it would just be easier to get passed what is taboo. Less people would be hurt that way. More people could be honest in the beginning of a relationship and say hey, this is what I want—without shame. Maybe if Whoopie, Jesse James, and Tiger would have done that, then less people would have been hurt. And then there would be less society could attack them for.

For me, I’ll stick with my husband. While I am open minded towards everyone else’s choices, I happen to like being alone, so just by me being married is a shock lol. While I don’t have to deal with the crazy eternity factor, (because unfortunately he is not a Vamp), I am just too dang busy to work on relationships with others. But hey, for those who do, more power to ya…just keep it honest and keep it real!

There, that’s my article for this month’s coming out of the closet them—let the cheaters come out and start sleeping around with honesty!

C.H. Scarlett

6 thoughts on “To Cheat or Not to Cheat…”

  1. To begin with, I get painfully tired of people bashing John goslin as if all evidence didn’t point to Kate being one of the worst people ever. Cheating is simple. People need certain things out of a relationship. If they don’t get them, they will fill that void somewhere else (often with another person, but sometimes with unhealthy attachments to other things like food or hobbies or whatever). Personally, I like monogamy, but only because I don’t believe in lying. If I didn’t want to be with someone, I’d just say so. Might suck, but in the long term, it’s easier and kinder than faking it.

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  2. I dunno but I agree. It takes two. While Kate might have been mean, John still shouldn’t have cheated dishonestly. If he was unhappy, then he should have left and ‘then’ mucked around with other women. I won’t fault him for leaving, but I will fault him for screwing around. Walking out the door before you do something dishonest is a choice too.

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  3. lol just in resp to the above, a mean spouse is not a reason to cheat. A mean spouse is a reason to get councilling or to get a divorce lawyer. in terms of the goslings, and that whole “affair” being a “reality celebrity” I think is just a way to ask for trouble and puts on added pressure on them as parents. That they lost sight of each other, in doing the show and of course, taking care of their brood. [not that I condone the cheating… what a way for your kids to also have a video tape of mommy and daddy cheating and fighting… for posterity sake].

    In regards to this whole post, my opinion of the whole affair [as it were] is that we as humans walk into relationships often with the wrong ideals. We go in not really accepting of each other and our needs.

    I think some men and women go in with the thoughts that they can change the play boy/girl who they started seeing. That by marriage we can change the roving eye.

    I also believe that we as a society have made it easy to form excuses to cheat. We have made marriage and even divorce such a quick affair well hell just about everyone is doing it.

    As is for us when I went into this relationship I put aside my own need as a bi woman and gave my all to my husband. I do not feel as though I am missing a piece or that I need more then what I have. I look on any relationship, if you are happy and are both [all] equal, who am I to judge or to think poorly. I have seen Poly, gay, hetero and all sorts of mixes which do fantastically when open, as in an open dialogue of expectations when going in. And in reverse I have seen it all go to hell. The key being once you have secrets or tell lies you lose the trust.

    Anyway I rant.

    As always an interesting read.

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